Moving out of my comfort zone

I am really working on slowly moving out of my comfort zone and facing the things I have avoided for so long. You know, when I think about it, it isn't the things I avoid but rather the feelings that are results of the things. I have avoided feeling for a very long time. I have blocked out pain, sadness, and anger out of fear that it would consume and destroy me. As a child maybe that behavior was necessary as a coping technique but I am no longer a child. I am learning that I am fully capable of caring for my emotional self. There is no need to be afraid of it.

I avoid many things out of fear of having a panic attack. It really sucks to have a panic attack, trust me. It is scary to feel like you are unable to breathe fully and deeply. It is scary to feel like your heart is pounding out of control. It is scary to feel dizzy, disoriented and indecisive. It is terrifying to feel all of those things at the same time.

I have to take the fear away or better yet, "feel the fear and do it any way." I have to risk feeling all those things. I have to risk that just maybe I am actually dying but trust that I will be able to do all that I can to take care of myself. I have to risk feeling anxious, telling people, asking for help. I have to risk not being in control. I have to risk being patient. I have to take risks!

Dr. R. Reid Wilson put it best:

You must step up onto the platform of acceptance... Say yes to every experience; that's where you start... Freedom comes by saying yes to whatever trap life puts you in, then doing something to get yourself out...Think of attitudes in a new way: think of them as technique...You must find ways to accept risk and tolerate uncertainty...since living demands risk. (Don't Panic)
The alternative he offers also reinforces the importance of acceptance and taking risks:

You can keep worrying about the risk while you continue with these behaviors. That leads to anxiety and the increased likelihood of panic. Or you can withdraw from these activities. The world can get by with you never flying again. The world can get by if you never enter another restaurant. There are consequences to these behaviors, of course...But it's your choice...I encourage you, instead, to practice this idea of accepting uncertainty. (Don't Panic, pg 190)

So forward I continue. And I'm giving myself permission to take my time. I may miss out on some things. Some people may leave. But in the end I will be where I need to be and I will be healthier and more joy filled for the journey.